Thursday, November 6, 2014

Tokens of our times together baby .

A memory from today for the wonder that you are baby. I was in half a mind this morning to take off from work and keep you home with me wondering if you were feeling alright . The last couple of days you were not yourself coming back from daycare . But as soon as you had your Magic potion of chocolate paalu , you were the usual daisy and back in form saying " Ms Mona is waiting , let's go ". Some lesson there for me on putting our worries to rest and getting on with life. But I kept worrying if you were running temperature all through in a corner of my mind even later at work and we went back a little earlier than usual to pick you up . You see a mothers job is never done, she wants to keep you in her swaddle while still knowing she needs to show you how to be self dependent . The paradox of modern motherhood . I work because I want to show you that this is somehow possible, to assert my independence of being a working individual while masking the angst of not being available to you 8 -9 hours a day , there is a resulting guilt most times but if I returned to being a stay at home mom , is there a guarantee that I will be a more adequate parent to you ?
You are too little now to give me a coherent answer to this question but I hope I will do well enough for you to answer me in the negative some day .
We later went to the pizza place which had you all animated . It brings me untold joy when i see how little things make you as merry as this pizza outing . I wish you could remember and freeze this little episode and continue to be happy like that even after you are fully grown .  You sat like a little moppet and finished your little cheese pizza like there's no tomorrow. And as for tomorrow, let's see what that holds out for us , yes? .

Good night , sleep tight my dearest.